Smackdown

I got into an argument in Rufumbira with some kids today. And won.

It’s not so hard to learn the basics of a new language. One of the words I’ve noticed my translator Bob using is ‘weh’. As far as I can tell, it means “Hey!” or “You there!” Bob shouts it at people. When I’m trying to talk to a patient but they’re not paying attention, Bob says “Weh!” and when they look up he translates my question.

I was walking back from the hospital when a group of kids passed me on the road. They chattered in Rufumbira, and I could tell they were talking about me. I looked over at them, to let them know I wasn’t an idiot. Apparently this was a provocation.

One of the kids stopped in his tracks. “Mzungu,” he said, which means white person. Then he said something in Rufumbira, I still don’t know what. But I reacted immediately.

“Weh!” I said, pointing my finger.

The kid was taken aback. He hesitated, and then a few words spilled warily out of his mouth.

I was at the end of my rope, vocabulary-wise. I stood there, a wanna-be stern authority figure facing a group of junior high schoolers, trying to lay down the law in a language I knew five words of.

But maybe the fact that I only knew five words was an unexpected boon. I was about to turn tail and run, but the Rufumbira word for “No” popped into my head. On an impulse I decided to deploy it.

“AH-ah!” I said. (Not ah-hah. Ah-ah.)

I repeat: I have no idea what this kid said to me. From start to finish, the only word I understood was “white man”.

But for some reason, me saying ‘No!’ was received by these kids like I had just laid down the baddest Momma joke in the history of the world. “Oooooooh!” “Awwwwww!” “Ohhhhhhh!” the boy’s peers cooed.

I knew enough to quit when I was ahead. I turned sharply and kept walking down the road. The boys’ jeering melded back into smooth babble of chatter. The entire experience was probably forgotten before I was out of earshot.